this classic holiday feast. 
Although time consuming, this dish seems to take longer than it actually does; 
as the entire house is filled with such a heavenly aroma, 
the waiting becomes almost unbearable.

1 whole child, cleaned and de-headed
1 batch cornbread stuffing (see index)
½ cup melted butter

Remove the giblets from the infant and set aside. 
Stuff the cavity where the child?s genitals and anus were located 
   using ½ cup per pound of meat. 
Tie the arms flat to the body, then pull the skin flaps up to close the cavity. 
Now tie the thighs up tight to hold it all together.
Place breast side up in a large metal roasting pan. 
Bake in 325° oven covered for 2 hours. 
Remove cover, stick a cooking thermometer deep into one of the 
   baby?s buttocks and cook uncovered till thermometer reads 190°, 
   about another hour.



Pro-Choice Po-Boy

Soft-shelled crabs serve just as well in this classic southern delicacy. 
The sandwich originated in New Orleans, where an abundance of abortion clinics 
thrive and hot French bread is always available.

2 cleaned fetuses, head on
2 eggs
1 tablespoon yellow mustard
1 cup seasoned flour
oil enough for deep frying
1 loaf French bread
Lettuce
tomatoes
mayonnaise, etc.

Marinate the fetuses in the egg-mustard mixture. 
Dredge thoroughly in flour. 
Fry at 375° until crispy golden brown. 
Remove and place on paper towels.



Holiday Youngster

One can easily adapt this recipe to ham, though as presented, 
it violates no religious taboos against swine. 

1 large toddler or small child, cleaned and de-headed
Kentucky Bourbon Sauce (see index)
1 large can pineapple slices
Whole cloves

Place him (or ham) or her in a large glass baking dish