Categories Anonymous

[Peter Freyd <pjf@saul.cis.upenn.edu>]

  While checking Jacobson's responsibility for "rng" Google directed
  me to www.math.binghamton.edu/alex/Yale_Math_Skit.html where we
  learn a most appropriate pronunciation for the word. And it reminds
  those of us old enough just what we used to be up against.

Script of skit performed at the Yale Math Department Christmas Party
in 1974 by the second year graduate students:

Chico Miraglia, Craig Huneke, Paul Blanchard, Bob Bix, Richard Foote,
Alex Feingold, Monica Baratieri, Dan Coro, John Elton (Piano!), John
M(?).

                                * * *

                          Jacobson Interview

Johnny: Now, please welcome our next guest, the current President of
Categories Anonymous, Mr. Nathan Jacobson. (He enters) Mr. Jacobson,
just what does Categories Anonymous do?

Jacobson: Johnny, our organization was founded to lead the fight
against Categories. This dreaded disease can strike any mathematician,
regardless of age, sex, sponsoring institution, or expected area of
concentration. Categories is now the Number One Killer of Mathematics.
Johnny, did you know that Categories has destroyed more mathematics
than co- and homology combined?

Johnny: No.

Jacobson: Did you know that algebraic geometry used to make some
sense?

Johnny: I didn't know that.

Jacobson: Now all our rings have units. Where did we go rng? I'm
sorry, Johnny, but when something this terrible strikes so close to
home --

Johnny: I understand. But tell me, is there a cure for categories?

Jacobson: Not yet. But if diagnosed early enough, categories can be
controlled; the patient is forced to factor integers into primes and
multiply matrices out until his insanity passes.

Johnny: Can a person examine himself for categories? (Ed McMath looks
himself over)

Jacobson: I'm glad you asked me that. Remember that categories can
strike anyone, any time, any place. So learn the Early Warning Signs
for Categories:
  1. Have you stopped caring whether you understand what you're doing?
  2. Do you like your theorems general but vacuous?
  3. Do you consider yourself a social arrow-chaser?
  4. Do you think of everything as a universal object?

                                * * *