Exact instructions for self cleaning after toilet use

Exact instructions for self cleaning after toilet use

[Don Twitlad]

Can someone please tell me the exact steps needed to:

* Void my bowels when required
* clean myself up afterward

What unix commands will provide me with a detailed analysis of
possible biochemical ramifications of using corn cobs as against paper
of some kind.

I'm not interested in arrogant extrapolations involving outside
activities like calling a health professional, or snotty advice
involving going to the grocery store and looking at the various
papers available.

No arrogant self aggrandizing advice about actual experimentation to
help myself please!

I want exact unix commands and clear userfriendly instructions on how
to get from my keyboard to the bathroom, and what to do once there.
New users may be confused if, for example:  
1) They find the toilet seat is down
   (What unix commands will provide information in this situation)
2) Their are no corn cobs or Sears catalogs in evidence.
( The list is endless)

How does one devine the correct paper, texture and strength.  Should
one even use paper?

Re: Exact instructions for self cleaning after toilet use

[Rémi Letot]

Lars Magne Ingebrigtsen <larsi@gnus.org> writes:

> Don Twitlad <don@pita.com> writes:
>
>> Can someone please tell me the exact steps needed to:
>
> *rofl*
>
> Take a bow, o pseudonymeous¹ one.
>
>
> -----
> ¹) Shouldn't that be a word?  Ispell says no.

dict finds pseudonymous. Nice new word in my English vocabulary. But
I'm afraid I'll forget it in minutes...

-- 
Rémi