A perfect joke

["Christopher Tipper" <chris.tipper@e-conomist.fsnet.co.uk>]

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Hi you guys,

Thanks for the help with this. Attached for your entertainment...

Enjoy!
Christopher
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   Nil Desperandum Illegitimi 
   -- Don't let the bastards get you down (~Ovid)


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% The Perfect Man and The Perfect Woman
%               -- an open-source joke!
% Idea adopted from http://home.att.net/~viseguy/fun.html
%               created 28-October-2000

\setupoutput
  [pdftex]

\setuppapersize
  [S6][S6]

% \useJSscripts[fld]

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  [ber,pos,12pt]

\setuplayout
  [header=.5cm,
   topspace=1cm,
   leftmargin=.5cm,
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  [myoptions][1][width=.4\textwidth]
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  [myoptions][2][width=.6\textwidth]

\starttext

\startbuffer[woman]
CORRECT!!

The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed
in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and
there is no such thing as a perfect man.
\stopbuffer

\startbuffer[driving]
So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect
woman must have been driving. This explains why there was an
accident!
\stopbuffer

\startbuffer[instructions]
By the way, if you're a woman reading this, this illustrates
another point: Women never follow instructions!
\stopbuffer

\startbuffer[wish]
Send this joke to:

1 person---Your wish won't come true; but you will have good luck
for a year.

2 people---Your wish will come true in a year.

5 people---Your wish will come true in a month.

10 people---Your wish will come true in a week.

15 people---Your wish will come true tomorrow.

20 people---Your wish will come true within 2 hrs'
\stopbuffer

\pagereference[beginning]

\ss Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met.
After a perfect courtship they had a perfect wedding. Their life
together was, of course, perfect.

One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving
their perfect car along a winding road when they noticed someone
up ahead in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to
help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not
wanting to disappoint children on the eve of Christmas, the
perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their car. Soon
they were driving along delivering toys.

Unfortunately, driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect
couple and Santa were in a terrible accident. Only one of the
three survived.

Who was the survivor?

Click on one of the following options:

\startmyoptions
% blank here
\myoptions
\startlines
\startitemize[n,broad]
\item \gotobox{The Man}[wrong]

\item \gotobox{The Woman}[page{nextpage}]

\item \gotobox{Santa Claus}[wrong]
\stopitemize
\stoplines
\stopmyoptions

\page

\startstandardmakeup
  \vfill
  \ssa\getbuffer[woman]
  \vfill
  \startnarrower
  If you are a woman, click \goto{here}[drivers]

  If you are a man, click \goto{here}[page{nextpage}]
  \stopnarrower
  \vfill
\stopstandardmakeup

\page
\startstandardmakeup
  \vfill
  \getbuffer[instructions]
  \vfill
  \midaligned{\goto{\ssb Finish}[theend]}
  \vfill
\stopstandardmakeup

\page\pagereference[drivers]
\startstandardmakeup
  \vfill
  \getbuffer[driving]
  \vfill
  \midaligned{\goto{\ssb Finish}[theend]}
  \vfill
\stopstandardmakeup

\page\pagereference[theend]
\startstandardmakeup
  \vfill
  \getbuffer[wish]
  \ssb\vfill
  \midaligned{\gotobox{\strut Return to the beginning}[beginning]}

  \midaligned{\goto{Exit}[ExitViewer]}
% \midaligned{\goto{Exit}[JS(Forget_Changes),CloseDocument]}
  \vfill
\stopstandardmakeup

\page\pagereference[wrong]
\startstandardmakeup
  \setupalign[middle]
  \ssc\vfill\midaligned{You're WRONG!!!}
  \vfill
  \midaligned{\gotobox{\strut Go Back}[beginning]}
  \vfill
\stopstandardmakeup

\stoptext