From mboxrd@z Thu Jan 1 00:00:00 1970 X-Msuck: nntp://news.gmane.io/gmane.comp.tex.context/3112 Path: main.gmane.org!not-for-mail From: "Christopher Tipper" Newsgroups: gmane.comp.tex.context Subject: A perfect joke Date: Sat, 28 Oct 2000 18:35:56 +0100 Sender: owner-ntg-context@let.uu.nl Message-ID: <001f01c04105$9c40aca0$3f42893e@chris> NNTP-Posting-Host: coloc-standby.netfonds.no Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: multipart/mixed; boundary="----=_NextPart_000_001D_01C0410D.E8C55280" X-Trace: main.gmane.org 1035393869 14378 80.91.224.250 (23 Oct 2002 17:24:29 GMT) X-Complaints-To: usenet@main.gmane.org NNTP-Posting-Date: Wed, 23 Oct 2002 17:24:29 +0000 (UTC) Original-To: "ConTeXT Mailing List" Xref: main.gmane.org gmane.comp.tex.context:3112 X-Report-Spam: http://spam.gmane.org/gmane.comp.tex.context:3112 This is a multi-part message in MIME format. ------=_NextPart_000_001D_01C0410D.E8C55280 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: base64 SGkgeW91IGd1eXMsDQoNClRoYW5rcyBmb3IgdGhlIGhlbHAgd2l0aCB0aGlzLiBBdHRhY2hlZCBm b3IgeW91ciBlbnRlcnRhaW5tZW50Li4uDQoNCkVuam95IQ0KQ2hyaXN0b3BoZXINCi0tLS0tLS0t LS0tLS0tLS0tLS0tLS0tLS0tLS0tLS0tLS0tLS0tLS0tLS0tLS0tLS0tLS0tLS0tLS0tLS0tLS0t LS0tLQ0KICAgTmlsIERlc3BlcmFuZHVtIElsbGVnaXRpbWkgDQogICAtLSBEb24ndCBsZXQgdGhl IGJhc3RhcmRzIGdldCB5b3UgZG93biAofk92aWQpDQoNCg== ------=_NextPart_000_001D_01C0410D.E8C55280 Content-Type: text/plain; name="joke.tex" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Content-Disposition: attachment; filename="joke.tex" % The Perfect Man and The Perfect Woman % -- an open-source joke! % Idea adopted from http://home.att.net/~viseguy/fun.html % created 28-October-2000 \setupoutput [pdftex] \setuppapersize [S6][S6] % \useJSscripts[fld] \setupbodyfont [ber,pos,12pt] \setuplayout [header=.5cm, topspace=1cm, leftmargin=.5cm, rightmargin=.5cm, width=fit, footer=1cm, height=middle] \setupwhitespace[1ex] \setupinterlinespace[line=2.9ex] \setuppagenumbering [state=stop] \definecolor [DarkGrey] [s=.6] \definecolor [MediumGrey] [s=.8] \definecolor [LightGrey] [s=.9] \setupinteraction [state=start] \setupinteractionscreen [option=max, width=fit, height=fit] \setupcolors [state=start] \setupinteraction [state=start, style=, color=DarkGrey, contrastcolor=, menu=on] \setupitemize [color=DarkGrey] \defineparagraphs [myoptions][n=2] \setupparagraphs [myoptions][1][width=.4\textwidth] \setupparagraphs [myoptions][2][width=.6\textwidth] \starttext \startbuffer[woman] CORRECT!! The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man. \stopbuffer \startbuffer[driving] So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect woman must have been driving. This explains why there was an accident! \stopbuffer \startbuffer[instructions] By the way, if you're a woman reading this, this illustrates another point: Women never follow instructions! \stopbuffer \startbuffer[wish] Send this joke to: 1 person---Your wish won't come true; but you will have good luck for a year. 2 people---Your wish will come true in a year. 5 people---Your wish will come true in a month. 10 people---Your wish will come true in a week. 15 people---Your wish will come true tomorrow. 20 people---Your wish will come true within 2 hrs' \stopbuffer \pagereference[beginning] \ss Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect. One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car along a winding road when they noticed someone up ahead in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their car. Soon they were driving along delivering toys. Unfortunately, driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa were in a terrible accident. Only one of the three survived. Who was the survivor? Click on one of the following options: \startmyoptions % blank here \myoptions \startlines \startitemize[n,broad] \item \gotobox{The Man}[wrong] \item \gotobox{The Woman}[page{nextpage}] \item \gotobox{Santa Claus}[wrong] \stopitemize \stoplines \stopmyoptions \page \startstandardmakeup \vfill \ssa\getbuffer[woman] \vfill \startnarrower If you are a woman, click \goto{here}[drivers] If you are a man, click \goto{here}[page{nextpage}] \stopnarrower \vfill \stopstandardmakeup \page \startstandardmakeup \vfill \getbuffer[instructions] \vfill \midaligned{\goto{\ssb Finish}[theend]} \vfill \stopstandardmakeup \page\pagereference[drivers] \startstandardmakeup \vfill \getbuffer[driving] \vfill \midaligned{\goto{\ssb Finish}[theend]} \vfill \stopstandardmakeup \page\pagereference[theend] \startstandardmakeup \vfill \getbuffer[wish] \ssb\vfill \midaligned{\gotobox{\strut Return to the beginning}[beginning]} \midaligned{\goto{Exit}[ExitViewer]} % \midaligned{\goto{Exit}[JS(Forget_Changes),CloseDocument]} \vfill \stopstandardmakeup \page\pagereference[wrong] \startstandardmakeup \setupalign[middle] \ssc\vfill\midaligned{You're WRONG!!!} \vfill \midaligned{\gotobox{\strut Go Back}[beginning]} \vfill \stopstandardmakeup \stoptext ------=_NextPart_000_001D_01C0410D.E8C55280--