From mboxrd@z Thu Jan 1 00:00:00 1970 Return-Path: X-Spam-Checker-Version: SpamAssassin 3.4.2 (2018-09-13) on inbox.vuxu.org X-Spam-Level: X-Spam-Status: No, score=-0.5 required=5.0 tests=DKIM_ADSP_CUSTOM_MED, DKIM_INVALID,DKIM_SIGNED,FREEMAIL_FORGED_FROMDOMAIN,FREEMAIL_FROM, HEADER_FROM_DIFFERENT_DOMAINS,HTML_MESSAGE,MAILING_LIST_MULTI, RCVD_IN_DNSWL_NONE autolearn=ham autolearn_force=no version=3.4.2 Received: from minnie.tuhs.org (minnie.tuhs.org [45.79.103.53]) by inbox.vuxu.org (OpenSMTPD) with ESMTP id 3a4c9e90 for ; Sat, 19 Oct 2019 20:31:33 +0000 (UTC) Received: by minnie.tuhs.org (Postfix, from userid 112) id 062AF93D80; Sun, 20 Oct 2019 06:31:32 +1000 (AEST) Received: from minnie.tuhs.org (localhost [127.0.0.1]) by minnie.tuhs.org (Postfix) with ESMTP id 8758C93D6E; Sun, 20 Oct 2019 06:30:54 +1000 (AEST) Authentication-Results: minnie.tuhs.org; dkim=fail reason="signature verification failed" (2048-bit key; unprotected) header.d=gmail.com header.i=@gmail.com header.b="b9CP98ja"; dkim-atps=neutral Received: by minnie.tuhs.org (Postfix, from userid 112) id C3C3D93D31; Sun, 20 Oct 2019 06:29:30 +1000 (AEST) Received: from mail-lf1-f66.google.com (mail-lf1-f66.google.com [209.85.167.66]) by minnie.tuhs.org (Postfix) with ESMTPS id A51C693D2D for ; Sun, 20 Oct 2019 06:29:24 +1000 (AEST) Received: by mail-lf1-f66.google.com with SMTP id g21so6054075lfh.4 for ; Sat, 19 Oct 2019 13:29:24 -0700 (PDT) DKIM-Signature: v=1; a=rsa-sha256; c=relaxed/relaxed; d=gmail.com; s=20161025; h=mime-version:references:in-reply-to:from:date:message-id:subject:to :cc; bh=aITtU37Wfok0nUwNQ5pWdk3ATu8IswX1giZ6yjyUBQY=; b=b9CP98ja9L7Rmo0K8bkH0betly7x6EveZBG+4wnRcQ6XFcX6Ipxh0R1vxUHdvbWs5B BoyqSkoqAt1TLGORDq1CFZtcpLgwD7ili/Og7oCXUIOMThAM7WVBUFqap6UULD4Xv8Ym z8irDUQhZdWxl3BsEbw7Rj29S6hnjQ42OhvK2mpv3+uE6JhvpKw8sreZmStJK6fUEt74 71HvGu+7DgTJajAO/r+tAI6m1jEY2PrwN7QllE+8YnwQ9JABW6y3w2PBUMfTVVl7lvGU 3fFQv1wKmovc+OcjWzchdxrsvpTX4oxVhrQZEqjQ3XWJZSbEeUA4nAgt7KhfMH8T61Sp WWDw== X-Google-DKIM-Signature: v=1; a=rsa-sha256; c=relaxed/relaxed; d=1e100.net; s=20161025; h=x-gm-message-state:mime-version:references:in-reply-to:from:date :message-id:subject:to:cc; bh=aITtU37Wfok0nUwNQ5pWdk3ATu8IswX1giZ6yjyUBQY=; b=RAHkHdwqv5eW2u+YKmxfwEnIs04Vu9uxbVIq0FNncbGVNLxulhbOzzWirwsEHDxGBY J/wbqT6NdPuZdM3XvOAz5lk5JQ7X90W/+OHqEb+2qRiMiq/FNbNAfmDuZXSR0smnlHMy JVjheHHAEKY1fGdmLhXvgo2jiT4Ei2csylBoiIZFbXjGSjdfQpj17GWTIILHhQg6qJuK lRLiNIMW24tNAQb3BLlqZyaT1AglrE7MCKnfKWKTZP5bPADE+cxbcmX8dTE4wQTZxx7K 22jLgsmF79KOB37uUSr3Eoavt/T+AUYHGApspaUJrx1dhMapsGtXoeL5vlMtkKZnWLte J0zg== X-Gm-Message-State: APjAAAWQtlbeCiPjph9BLuyOWXerwZ63gRdjQ9GYzXiOB+ARDXxO9BW6 5TSdcYFcRzytrQzZiEO4bHyjS9vQxcM/sSC+LwU= X-Google-Smtp-Source: APXvYqzvjmIKxdcr2NlzaS9/Hfrb2kYfFCsWPbLdIIOsqGmaPNQfJW9f/DAgfLuVXuCy8ZxktaI5YUOIGZEIYtHUuJo= X-Received: by 2002:a19:7513:: with SMTP id y19mr9333556lfe.99.1571516962827; Sat, 19 Oct 2019 13:29:22 -0700 (PDT) MIME-Version: 1.0 References: In-Reply-To: From: Richard Salz Date: Sat, 19 Oct 2019 16:29:10 -0400 Message-ID: To: Clem cole Content-Type: multipart/alternative; boundary="00000000000053f5120595494e99" Subject: Re: [TUHS] Vaxen, my children... X-BeenThere: tuhs@minnie.tuhs.org X-Mailman-Version: 2.1.26 Precedence: list List-Id: The Unix Heritage Society mailing list List-Unsubscribe: , List-Archive: List-Post: List-Help: List-Subscribe: , Cc: The Eunuchs Hysterical Society Errors-To: tuhs-bounces@minnie.tuhs.org Sender: "TUHS" --00000000000053f5120595494e99 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="UTF-8" In other words, not true. On Sat, Oct 19, 2019, 3:29 PM Clem Cole wrote: > An old Usenet Apocrypha message. IIRC this show up after the great > automated crash in 1987 and was being used an example of why the IBM > monoculture led to the melt down of the markets. > > On Fri, Oct 18, 2019 at 9:16 PM Dave Horsfall wrote: > >> A little off-topic, but quite amusing... >> >> -- Dave >> >> ---------- Forwarded message ---------- >> >> Time to post this classic; I don't recall who wrote it. Note that the >> references are pretty obscure now... >> >> ----- >> >> VAXen, my children, just don't belong some places. In my business, I am >> frequently called by small sites and startups having VAX problems. So >> when a >> friend of mine in an Extremely Large Financial Institution (ELFI) called >> me one >> day to ask for help, I was intrigued because this outfit is a really >> major VAX >> user - they have several large herds of VAXen - and plenty of sharp >> VAXherds to >> take care of them. >> >> So I went to see what sort of an ELFI mess they had gotten into. It >> seems they >> had shoved a small 750 with two RA60s running a single application, PC >> style, >> into a data center with two IBM 3090s and just about all the rest of the >> disk >> drives in the world. The computer room was so big it had three street >> addresses. The operators had only IBM experience and, to quote my >> friend, they >> were having "a little trouble adjusting to the VAX", were a bit hostile >> towards >> it and probably needed some help with system management. Hmmm, >> hostility... >> Sigh. >> >> Well, I thought it was pretty ridiculous for an outfit with all that VAX >> muscle >> elsewhere to isolate a dinky old 750 in their Big Blue Country, and said >> so >> bluntly. But my friend patiently explained that although small, it was >> an >> "extremely sensitive and confidential application." It seems that the >> 750 had >> originally been properly clustered with the rest of a herd and in the >> care of >> one of their best VAXherds. But the trouble started when the Chief User >> went >> to visit his computer and its VAXherd. >> >> He came away visibly disturbed and immediately complained to the ELFI's >> Director of Data Processing that, "There are some very strange people in >> there >> with the computers." Now since this user person was the Comptroller of >> this >> Extremely Large Financial Institution, the 750 had been promptly hustled >> over >> to the IBM data center which the Comptroller said, "was a more suitable >> place." >> The people there wore shirts and ties and didn't wear head bands or >> cowboy >> hats. >> >> So my friend introduced me to the Comptroller, who turned out to be five >> feet >> tall, 85 and a former gnome of Zurich. He had a young apprentice gnome >> who was >> about 65. The two gnomes interviewed me in whispers for about an hour >> before >> they decided my modes of dress and speech were suitable for managing >> their >> system and I got the assignment. >> >> There was some confusion, understandably, when I explained that I would >> immediately establish a procedure for nightly backups. The senior gnome >> seemed >> to think I was going to put the computer in reverse, but the apprentice's >> son >> had an IBM PC and he quickly whispered that "backup" meant making a copy >> of a >> program borrowed from a friend and why was I doing that? Sigh. >> >> I was shortly introduced to the manager of the IBM data center, who >> greeted me >> with joy and anything but hostility. And the operators really weren't >> hostile >> - it just seemed that way. It's like the driver of a Mack 18 wheeler, >> with a >> condo behind the cab, who was doing 75 when he ran over a moped doing its >> best >> to get away at 45. He explained sadly, "I really warn't mad at mopeds >> but to >> keep from runnin' over that'n, I'da had to slow down or change lanes!" >> >> Now the only operation they had figured out how to do on the 750 was >> reboot it. >> This was their universal cure for any and all problems. After all it >> works on a >> PC, why not a VAX? Was there a difference? Sigh. >> >> But I smiled and said, "No sweat, I'll train you. The first command you >> learn >> is HELP" and proceeded to type it in on the console terminal. So the >> data >> center manager, the shift supervisor and the eight day-operators watched >> the >> LA100 buzz out the usual introductory text. When it finished they turned >> to me >> with expectant faces and I said in an avuncular manner, "This is your >> most >> important command!" >> >> The shift supervisor stepped forward and studied the text for about a >> minute. >> He then turned with a very puzzled expression on his face and asked, >> "What do >> you use it for?" Sigh. >> >> Well, I tried everything. I trained and I put the doc set on shelves by >> the >> 750 and I wrote a special 40 page doc set and then a four page doc set. >> I >> designed all kinds of command files to make complex operations into >> simple >> foreign commands and I taped a list of these simplified commands to the >> top of >> the VAX. The most successful move was adding my home phone number. >> >> The cheat sheets taped on the top of the CPU cabinet needed continual >> maintenance, however. It seems the VAX was in the quietest part of the >> data >> center, over behind the scratch tape racks. The operators ate lunch on >> the CPU >> cabinet and the sheets quickly became coated with pizza drippings, etc. >> >> But still the most used solution to hangups was a reboot and I gradually >> got >> things organized so that during the day when the gnomes were using the >> system, >> the operators didn't have to touch it. This smoothed things out a lot. >> >> Meanwhile, the data center was getting new TV security cameras, a halon >> gas >> fire extinguisher system and an immortal power source. The data center >> manager >> apologized because the VAX had not been foreseen in the plan and so could >> not >> be connected to immortal power. The VAX and I felt a little rejected but >> I >> made sure that booting on power recovery was working right. At least it >> would >> get going again quickly when power came back. >> >> Anyway, as a consolation prize, the data center manager said he would >> have one >> of the security cameras adjusted to cover the VAX. I thought to myself, >> "Great, now we can have 24 hour video tapes of the operators eating >> Chinese >> takeout on the CPU." I resolved to get a piece of plastic to cover the >> cheat >> sheets. >> >> One day, the apprentice gnome called to whisper that the senior was going >> to >> give an extremely important demonstration. Now I must explain that what >> the >> 750 was really doing was holding our National Debt. The Reagan >> administration >> had decided to privatize it and had quietly put it out for bid. My >> Extreme >> Large Financial Institution had won the bid for it and was, as ELFIs are >> wont >> to do, making an absolute bundle on the float. >> >> On Monday the Comptroller was going to demonstrate to the board of >> directors >> how he could move a trillion dollars from Switzerland to the Bahamas. >> The >> apprentice whispered, "Would you please look in on our computer? I'm >> sure >> everything will be fine, sir, but we will feel better if you are >> present. I'm >> sure you understand?" I did. >> >> Monday morning, I got there about five hours before the scheduled demo to >> check >> things over. Everything was cool. I was chatting with the shift >> supervisor >> and about to go upstairs to the Comptroller's office. Suddenly there was >> a >> power failure. >> >> The emergency lighting came on and the immortal power system took over >> the load >> of the IBM 3090s. They continued smoothly, but of course the VAX, still >> on >> city power, died. Everyone smiled and the dead 750 was no big deal >> because it >> was 7 AM and gnomes don't work before 10 AM. I began worrying about >> whether I >> could beg some immortal power from the data center manager in case this >> was a >> long outage. >> >> Immortal power in this system comes from storage batteries for the first >> five >> minutes of an outage. Promptly at one minute into the outage we hear the >> gas >> turbine powered generator in the sub-basement under us automatically >> start up >> getting ready to take the load on the fifth minute. We all beam at each >> other. >> >> At two minutes into the outage we hear the whine of the backup gas >> turbine >> generator starting. The 3090s and all those disk drives are doing just >> fine. >> Business as usual. The VAX is dead as a door nail but what the hell. >> >> At precisely five minutes into the outage, just as the gas turbine is >> taking >> the load, city power comes back on and the immortal power source commits >> suicide. Actually it was a double murder and suicide because it took >> both >> 3090s with it. >> >> So now the whole data center was dead, sort of. The fire alarm system >> had its >> own battery backup and was still alive. The lead acid storage batteries >> of the >> immortal power system had been discharging at a furious rate keeping all >> those >> big blue boxes running and there was a significant amount of sulfuric >> acid >> vapor. Nothing actually caught fire but the smoke detectors were >> convinced it >> had. >> >> The fire alarm klaxon went off and the siren warning of imminent halon >> gas >> release was screaming. We started to panic but the data center manager >> shouted >> over the din, "Don't worry, the halon system failed its acceptance test >> last >> week. It's disabled and nothing will happen." >> >> He was half right, the primary halon system indeed failed to discharge. >> But the >> secondary halon system observed that the primary had conked and instantly >> did >> its duty, which was to deal with Dire Disasters. It had twice the >> capacity and >> six times the discharge rate. >> >> Now the ear splitting gas discharge under the raised floor was so massive >> and >> fast, it blew about half of the floor tiles up out of their framework. It >> came >> up through the floor into a communications rack and blew the cover panels >> off, >> decking an operator. Looking out across that vast computer room, we >> could see >> the air shimmering as the halon mixed with it. >> >> We stampeded for exits to the dying whine of 175 IBM disks. As I was >> escaping >> I glanced back at the VAX, on city power, and noticed the usual >> flickering of >> the unit select light on its system disk indicating it was happily >> rebooting. >> >> Twelve firemen with air tanks and axes invaded. There were frantic phone >> calls >> to the local IBM Field Service office because both the live and backup >> 3090s >> were down. About twenty minutes later, seventeen IBM CEs arrived with >> dozens >> of boxes and, so help me, a barrel. It seems they knew what to expect >> when an >> immortal power source commits murder. >> >> In the midst of absolute pandemonium, I crept off to the gnome office and >> logged on. After extensive checking it was clear that everything was >> just fine >> with the VAX and I began to calm down. I called the data center >> manager's >> office to tell him the good news. His secretary answered with, "He isn't >> expected to be available for some time. May I take a message?" I left a >> slightly smug note to the effect that, unlike some other computers, the >> VAX was >> intact and functioning normally. >> >> Several hours later, the gnome was whispering his way into a >> demonstration of >> how to flick a trillion dollars from country 2 to country 5. He was just >> coming to the tricky part, where the money had been withdrawn from >> Switzerland >> but not yet deposited in the Bahamas. He was proceeding very slowly and >> the >> directors were spellbound. I decided I had better check up on the data >> center. >> >> Most of the floor tiles were back in place. IBM had resurrected one of >> the >> 3090s and was running tests. What looked like a bucket brigade was >> working on >> the other one. The communication rack was still naked and a fireman was >> standing guard over the immortal power corpse. Life was returning to >> normal, >> but the Big Blue Country crew was still pretty shaky. >> >> Smiling proudly, I headed back toward the triumphant VAX behind the tape >> racks >> where one of the operators was eating a plump jelly bun on the 750 CPU. >> He saw >> me coming, turned pale and screamed to the shift supervisor, "Oh my God, >> we >> forgot about the VAX!" Then, before I could open my mouth, he rebooted >> it. It >> was Monday, 19-Oct-1987. VAXen, my children, just don't belong some >> places. >> >> -- Dave >> > --00000000000053f5120595494e99 Content-Type: text/html; charset="UTF-8" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable
In other words, not true.

On Sat, Oct 19, 2019, 3:29 PM Cl= em Cole <clemc@ccc.com> wrote:
An old Usenet Apocrypha message. =C2=A0 =C2=A0IIRC this show = up after the great automated crash in 1987 and was being used an example of= why the IBM monoculture led to the melt down of the markets.
<= /div>

On Fri, Oct 18, 2019 at 9:16 PM Dave Horsfall <dave@horsfall.org= > wrote:
A little off-topic, but quite amusing= ...

-- Dave

---------- Forwarded message ----------

Time to post this classic; I don't recall who wrote it.=C2=A0 Note that= the
references are pretty obscure now...

-----

VAXen, my children, just don't belong some places.=C2=A0 In my business= , I am
frequently called by small sites and startups having VAX problems.=C2=A0 So= when a
friend of mine in an Extremely Large Financial Institution (ELFI) called me= one
day to ask for help, I was intrigued because this outfit is a really major = VAX
user - they have several large herds of VAXen - and plenty of sharp VAXherd= s to
take care of them.

So I went to see what sort of an ELFI mess they had gotten into.=C2=A0 It s= eems they
had shoved a small 750 with two RA60s running a single application, PC styl= e,
into a data center with two IBM 3090s and just about all the rest of the di= sk
drives in the world.=C2=A0 The computer room was so big it had three street=
addresses.=C2=A0 The operators had only IBM experience and, to quote my fri= end, they
were having "a little trouble adjusting to the VAX", were a bit h= ostile towards
it and probably needed some help with system management.=C2=A0 Hmmm, hostil= ity...
Sigh.

Well, I thought it was pretty ridiculous for an outfit with all that VAX mu= scle
elsewhere to isolate a dinky old 750 in their Big Blue Country, and said so=
bluntly.=C2=A0 But my friend patiently explained that although small, it wa= s an
"extremely sensitive and confidential application."=C2=A0 It seem= s that the 750 had
originally been properly clustered with the rest of a herd and in the care = of
one of their best VAXherds.=C2=A0 But the trouble started when the Chief Us= er went
to visit his computer and its VAXherd.

He came away visibly disturbed and immediately complained to the ELFI's=
Director of Data Processing that, "There are some very strange people = in there
with the computers."=C2=A0 Now since this user person was the Comptrol= ler of this
Extremely Large Financial Institution, the 750 had been promptly hustled ov= er
to the IBM data center which the Comptroller said, "was a more suitabl= e place."
The people there wore shirts and ties and didn't wear head bands or cow= boy
hats.

So my friend introduced me to the Comptroller, who turned out to be five fe= et
tall, 85 and a former gnome of Zurich.=C2=A0 He had a young apprentice gnom= e who was
about 65.=C2=A0 The two gnomes interviewed me in whispers for about an hour= before
they decided my modes of dress and speech were suitable for managing their =
system and I got the assignment.

There was some confusion, understandably, when I explained that I would immediately establish a procedure for nightly backups.=C2=A0 The senior gno= me seemed
to think I was going to put the computer in reverse, but the apprentice'= ;s son
had an IBM PC and he quickly whispered that "backup" meant making= a copy of a
program borrowed from a friend and why was I doing that?=C2=A0 Sigh.

I was shortly introduced to the manager of the IBM data center, who greeted= me
with joy and anything but hostility.=C2=A0 And the operators really weren&#= 39;t hostile
- it just seemed that way.=C2=A0 It's like the driver of a Mack 18 whee= ler, with a
condo behind the cab, who was doing 75 when he ran over a moped doing its b= est
to get away at 45.=C2=A0 He explained sadly, "I really warn't mad = at mopeds but to
keep from runnin' over that'n, I'da had to slow down or change = lanes!"

Now the only operation they had figured out how to do on the 750 was reboot= it.
This was their universal cure for any and all problems. After all it works = on a
PC, why not a VAX?=C2=A0 Was there a difference? Sigh.

But I smiled and said, "No sweat, I'll train you.=C2=A0 The first = command you learn
is HELP" and proceeded to type it in on the console terminal.=C2=A0 So= the data
center manager, the shift supervisor and the eight day-operators watched th= e
LA100 buzz out the usual introductory text.=C2=A0 When it finished they tur= ned to me
with expectant faces and I said in an avuncular manner, "This is your = most
important command!"

The shift supervisor stepped forward and studied the text for about a minut= e.
He then turned with a very puzzled expression on his face and asked, "= What do
you use it for?"=C2=A0 Sigh.

Well, I tried everything.=C2=A0 I trained and I put the doc set on shelves = by the
750 and I wrote a special 40 page doc set and then a four page doc set.=C2= =A0 I
designed all kinds of command files to make complex operations into simple =
foreign commands and I taped a list of these simplified commands to the top= of
the VAX.=C2=A0 The most successful move was adding my home phone number.
The cheat sheets taped on the top of the CPU cabinet needed continual
maintenance, however.=C2=A0 It seems the VAX was in the quietest part of th= e data
center, over behind the scratch tape racks.=C2=A0 The operators ate lunch o= n the CPU
cabinet and the sheets quickly became coated with pizza drippings, etc.

But still the most used solution to hangups was a reboot and I gradually go= t
things organized so that during the day when the gnomes were using the syst= em,
the operators didn't have to touch it.=C2=A0 This smoothed things out a= lot.

Meanwhile, the data center was getting new TV security cameras, a halon gas=
fire extinguisher system and an immortal power source.=C2=A0 The data cente= r manager
apologized because the VAX had not been foreseen in the plan and so could n= ot
be connected to immortal power.=C2=A0 The VAX and I felt a little rejected = but I
made sure that booting on power recovery was working right. At least it wou= ld
get going again quickly when power came back.

Anyway, as a consolation prize, the data center manager said he would have = one
of the security cameras adjusted to cover the VAX.=C2=A0 I thought to mysel= f,
"Great, now we can have 24 hour video tapes of the operators eating Ch= inese
takeout on the CPU."=C2=A0 I resolved to get a piece of plastic to cov= er the cheat
sheets.

One day, the apprentice gnome called to whisper that the senior was going t= o
give an extremely important demonstration.=C2=A0 Now I must explain that wh= at the
750 was really doing was holding our National Debt.=C2=A0 The Reagan admini= stration
had decided to privatize it and had quietly put it out for bid.=C2=A0 My Ex= treme
Large Financial Institution had won the bid for it and was, as ELFIs are wo= nt
to do, making an absolute bundle on the float.

On Monday the Comptroller was going to demonstrate to the board of director= s
how he could move a trillion dollars from Switzerland to the Bahamas.=C2=A0= The
apprentice whispered, "Would you please look in on our computer?=C2=A0= I'm sure
everything will be fine, sir, but we will feel better if you are present.= =C2=A0 I'm
sure you understand?"=C2=A0 I did.

Monday morning, I got there about five hours before the scheduled demo to c= heck
things over.=C2=A0 Everything was cool.=C2=A0 I was chatting with the shift= supervisor
and about to go upstairs to the Comptroller's office.=C2=A0 Suddenly th= ere was a
power failure.

The emergency lighting came on and the immortal power system took over the = load
of the IBM 3090s.=C2=A0 They continued smoothly, but of course the VAX, sti= ll on
city power, died.=C2=A0 Everyone smiled and the dead 750 was no big deal be= cause it
was 7 AM and gnomes don't work before 10 AM.=C2=A0 I began worrying abo= ut whether I
could beg some immortal power from the data center manager in case this was= a
long outage.

Immortal power in this system comes from storage batteries for the first fi= ve
minutes of an outage.=C2=A0 Promptly at one minute into the outage we hear = the gas
turbine powered generator in the sub-basement under us automatically start = up
getting ready to take the load on the fifth minute. We all beam at each oth= er.

At two minutes into the outage we hear the whine of the backup gas turbine =
generator starting.=C2=A0 The 3090s and all those disk drives are doing jus= t fine.
Business as usual.=C2=A0 The VAX is dead as a door nail but what the hell.<= br>
At precisely five minutes into the outage, just as the gas turbine is takin= g
the load, city power comes back on and the immortal power source commits suicide.=C2=A0 Actually it was a double murder and suicide because it took = both
3090s with it.

So now the whole data center was dead, sort of.=C2=A0 The fire alarm system= had its
own battery backup and was still alive.=C2=A0 The lead acid storage batteri= es of the
immortal power system had been discharging at a furious rate keeping all th= ose
big blue boxes running and there was a significant amount of sulfuric acid =
vapor.=C2=A0 Nothing actually caught fire but the smoke detectors were conv= inced it
had.

The fire alarm klaxon went off and the siren warning of imminent halon gas =
release was screaming.=C2=A0 We started to panic but the data center manage= r shouted
over the din, "Don't worry, the halon system failed its acceptance= test last
week.=C2=A0 It's disabled and nothing will happen."

He was half right, the primary halon system indeed failed to discharge. But= the
secondary halon system observed that the primary had conked and instantly d= id
its duty, which was to deal with Dire Disasters.=C2=A0 It had twice the cap= acity and
six times the discharge rate.

Now the ear splitting gas discharge under the raised floor was so massive a= nd
fast, it blew about half of the floor tiles up out of their framework. It c= ame
up through the floor into a communications rack and blew the cover panels o= ff,
decking an operator.=C2=A0 Looking out across that vast computer room, we c= ould see
the air shimmering as the halon mixed with it.

We stampeded for exits to the dying whine of 175 IBM disks.=C2=A0 As I was = escaping
I glanced back at the VAX, on city power, and noticed the usual flickering = of
the unit select light on its system disk indicating it was happily rebootin= g.

Twelve firemen with air tanks and axes invaded.=C2=A0 There were frantic ph= one calls
to the local IBM Field Service office because both the live and backup 3090= s
were down.=C2=A0 About twenty minutes later, seventeen IBM CEs arrived with= dozens
of boxes and, so help me, a barrel.=C2=A0 It seems they knew what to expect= when an
immortal power source commits murder.

In the midst of absolute pandemonium, I crept off to the gnome office and <= br> logged on.=C2=A0 After extensive checking it was clear that everything was = just fine
with the VAX and I began to calm down.=C2=A0 I called the data center manag= er's
office to tell him the good news.=C2=A0 His secretary answered with, "= He isn't
expected to be available for some time.=C2=A0 May I take a message?" I= left a
slightly smug note to the effect that, unlike some other computers, the VAX= was
intact and functioning normally.

Several hours later, the gnome was whispering his way into a demonstration = of
how to flick a trillion dollars from country 2 to country 5.=C2=A0 He was j= ust
coming to the tricky part, where the money had been withdrawn from Switzerl= and
but not yet deposited in the Bahamas.=C2=A0 He was proceeding very slowly a= nd the
directors were spellbound.=C2=A0 I decided I had better check up on the dat= a center.

Most of the floor tiles were back in place.=C2=A0 IBM had resurrected one o= f the
3090s and was running tests.=C2=A0 What looked like a bucket brigade was wo= rking on
the other one.=C2=A0 The communication rack was still naked and a fireman w= as
standing guard over the immortal power corpse.=C2=A0 Life was returning to = normal,
but the Big Blue Country crew was still pretty shaky.

Smiling proudly, I headed back toward the triumphant VAX behind the tape ra= cks
where one of the operators was eating a plump jelly bun on the 750 CPU.=C2= =A0 He saw
me coming, turned pale and screamed to the shift supervisor, "Oh my Go= d, we
forgot about the VAX!"=C2=A0 Then, before I could open my mouth, he re= booted it.=C2=A0 It
was Monday, 19-Oct-1987.=C2=A0 VAXen, my children, just don't belong so= me places.

-- Dave
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